How to Grill a Burger Without Incinerating Your Home

When I was in college, the home belonging to one of my best friends had to be evacuated when propane from their grill leaked into their basement. Fortunately no one in the household smoked so the family was embarrassed, rather than incinerated, as a fleet of fire engines peeled onto their street with sirens blaring.

No harm done.

Since the weather is unseasonably warm this spring, many of us in Burnsville are probably planning to fire up our barbecues soon and grill some savory burgers, despite all the buzz about how red meat is slowly killing us and how our ground beef is laced with ammonia-spritzed pink slime. (I'm not kidding. Google it.)

If you plan to join the singed-eyebrowed hoardes, you really should consider giving your grill a three point check-up before you light 'er up. Better that than join the 7,000 other American families whose homes are torched each year by their unsafe (or unsafely used) gas grills (according to the National Fire Protection Agency).

The Consumer Product Safety Commission suggests that, at the very least, you inspect the tubes that lead into the burner for any blockage from insects, spiders, or food grease. If you see blockage, use a pipe cleaner or wire to clear it.

Second, check your grill's hoses for cracking, brittleness, holes, leaks or sharp bends.

Finally, replace scratched or nicked connectors, which can eventually leak gas. Unless you want half-a-dozen six-foot heroes in air masks and flame retardant suits breaking down your front door, as my college chum will attest.

Now, if you live in a multi-family residence (er, an apartment or townhome), state law prohibits you from using a gas or charcoal grill on your patio, or within 15 feet of your building. In my personal opinion, 15 feet is too far to walk to flip a burger so I'd just forget about grilling altogether and pan fry those bad boys.

The exceptions are that you may use an electric grill (yawn), or you can have your open-flame grill permanently mounted and wired or plumbed in and approved by Burnsville's own ace Fire Chief, Mr. BJ Jungmann.

This is unconfirmed, but rumor has it that the only charge for Mr Jungmann's approval service is one perfectly grilled burger. Made with 100 percent ground turkey.